Reading Time: ~8 minutes

I am obsessed with “Hey Steve!” videos on YouTube! I usually have it on in the background when I’m cooking or cleaning and recently, there was a man who asked Steve for help convincing his wife that they should have sex more frequently than once every two weeks. While the audience laughed, and Steve did his best to give him some advice, there was a certain awkwardness in the air because how do you tell someone how they should handle their sex life? On National TV? Especially without knowing the dynamics of the couple outside of their sex life.

I’ll tell you how. You just become a Senegalese Auntie with a lot of guts and call yourself Docteurou Diek Yi. I have seen videos of two personally (Mbodia Mbaye and Rama Docteur Diek Yi) and I usually like “hmm this is interesting” and as crazy as they sound, I still listen! What they say can seem so outrageous and high effort and for the sake of our non-Wolof readers, I will share a sample of the advice they give women:

  1. Have sex with your husband every night that you can. Mbodia Mbaye said if you’re on your period, there are other ways to satisfy your man.
  2. Always have white sheets on your bed. Mbodia Mbaye specified that white sheets should be the norm and, on the days when you aren’t clean, different colored sheets should be used early in the morning, so your husband knows he’s not getting any that night.
  3. Jump on your man often. Don’t let him be the only one to initiate sex.
  4. You should be an absolute freak in the bedroom.
  5. Every woman should own a wrap skirt that’s white and clean. It’s mandatory.
  6. From now on, sex is called COMBAT. I guess it’s like a war if you really think about it?
  7. If you don’t satisfy your man in the bedroom, someone else will.

Now, those are just teasers to what these women go into great detail about, and I will say, their videos can be quite entertaining. In fact, Mbodia Mbaye had a video where she said she didn’t approve of women who spend all day cooking and cleaning and then fall asleep early at night without going full Kama Sutra on their husbands and I had a full “Confused Math GIF” moment.

Our whole lives, we’re taught/required to never have sex before marriage, learn how to cook, clean, and keep a home, and now all of a sudden, we’re supposed to do the opposite? Where are we supposed to learn all these freaky and nasty things we’re supposed to do to our husbands? Our moms don’t talk about it and every now and then, you have that audacious aunt who will step up to the plate and give you 1% of what you supposedly need to know. A lot is left up to the imagination and I guess that’s where these Docteurou Diek Yi come in. They’re supposed to fill in the gaps. And they don’t make it easy on us women! We are supposed to be superwomen and not a single complaint to accompany it! We should never be tired, and we should be continuously coming up with new astuces (tricks).

I will say that I don’t disagree with everything they say. In another post, I will talk about my experiences with balancing work, school, and a home because it’s a reality. In multiple cultures around the world, women are the caretakers and nurturers. We’re the foundation for strong homes so some of the advice is only logical. That’s uncontested from me. It’s the blatant disregard for the “what if” moments in the life of a couple that these women have. Like what if:

  1. You don’t want to have sex every day?
  2. Your husband doesn’t want to have sex every day?
  3. Your husband enjoys cooking every now and then (or all the time) and you come to a meeting of the minds about who does what and when?
  4. You simply don’t know how to cook? Does your value as a woman go down?
  5. Your husband can’t get it up? Is it your job to fix that with astuces or an actual doctor?
  6. You’re not sexually attracted to one another? Let’s not pretend forced/arranged marriages aren’t a factor here.
  7. You and/or your husband are dealing with past trauma and sex is a trigger?

Our mothers are rolling over right now as I write these what if statements because it’s unheard of in our community. What you think and how you feel is usually not part of the equation and it should be. While the intention behind the advice is understandable, it’s just none of their business. There. I said it.

Now, the title promised we’d talk about sex, baby so let me talk about that from my perspective.

I think sex between a couple is just that – between the couple. People have different vices and desires in the bedroom and as long as the two people involved give consent, there’s nothing to discuss. Have sex 5 times a day or once a year or on a schedule – it’s up to you both to determine. If I had to come up with my list of recommendations, here’s what it would look like:

  1. Stop putting just anything in your vagina, ladies. These Docteurou Diek Yi’s are going to drive you mad with their claims of elasticity, tightness, freshness, etc.
  2. Visit a gynecologist regularly. Talk to them about any abnormalities and your fertility concerns.
  3. Talk to your partner frequently. Desires and realities evolve/change. All that shit talking can quickly go away when you’re juggling multiple responsibilities and that’s on both sides. We’re only human and while having sex every day might sound like a blast, it could just as easily become a burden.
  4. Don’t kiss and tell.
  5. Use whatever colored sheets you want and use verbal communication to tell your husband when you’re not able/want to have sex. And that’s not just for when you’re on your period.
  6. Visit your local sex shop often and explore. I’m not anti-astuces deh! I just believe in moderation 😉

When I first sat down to write this post, I wasn’t sure how to frame it. It said let’s talk about sex, so I wanted to make sure it delivered but this is a blog about women empowerment, so I struggled a bit with finding the right balance. I didn’t want it to be boring and I hope it wasn’t! It’s a fun topic that gets a lot of people’s attention, but I didn’t want to be another Docteurou Diek Yi, inserting my opinions where it wasn’t appropriate. Please, provide your thoughts on this post via comments directly here or on Instagram. I would love to hear your feedback!

2 thoughts on “Docteurou Diek Yi: Let’s talk about sex, baby.

  1. Well said! Some of these aunties on these Senegalese tv shows give out some of the craziest advice I’ve ever heard lol. The best thing to do like you’ve mentioned is communicate with your spouse frequently and discover what their likes/dislikes are. Well done girl! Thank you for sharing your input.

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s